1. Anonymous sung to the tune Repton ‘(Dear Lord and Father’)

Dear Lord and Father of mankind,
Forgive our foolish ways,
For most of us, when asked our mind,
Admit we still more pleasure find
In hymns of ancient days.

The simple lyrics, for a start,
Of many a modern song
Are far too trite to touch the heart,
Enshrine no poetry, no art,
And go on much too long.

0 for a rest from jollity
And syncopated praise!
What happened to tranquillity?
The silence of eternity
Is hard to hear these days.

Send Thy deep hush, subduing all
Those happy claps that drown
The tender whisper of Thy call.
Triumphalism is not all,
For sometimes we feel down.

Drop Thy still dews of quietness
Till all our strummings cease.
Take from our souls the strain and stress
Of always having to be blessed.
Give us a bit of peace.

Breathe through the beats of praise guitar
Thy coolness and Thy balm.
Let drum be dumb, bring back the lyre,
Enough of earthquake, wind and fire
Let's hear it for some calm.

2. Anonymous, sung to the tune Aurelia (‘The church’s one foundation’

 Our church is mighty spiky with smells and bells and chants,
And Palestrina Masses that vex the Protestants.
O happy ones and holy who fall upon their knees
For Solemn Benediction and mid-week Rosaries.

Though with a scornful wonder men see our clergy, dressed
In rich brocaded vestments as slowly they process;
Yet saints their watch are keeping lest souls be set alight
Not by the Holy Ghost, but by incense taking flight.

Now we on earth have union with Lambeth, not with Rome,
Although the wags and cynics may question our true home;
But folk masses and bingo can’t possibly depose
The works of Byrd and Tallis, or Cranmer’s stately prose.

[Here the Organist shall try to modulate.]

So let the organ thunder, sound fanfares en chamade;
Rejoice! For we are treading where many saints have trod;
Let peals ring from the high spire, sing descants to high C,
Just don’t let your elation disrupt the liturgy.